Walking and Talking

Everything is backwards now, like out there is the true world, and in here is the dream. Jake Sully

There was definitely a part of me that was offended by the rude awakening of my real life when i walked out of Avatar. I let my heart and mind fly with Jake Sully and had, as he says, fallen in love with that world. I felt the same way whenever I came to the end of harry potter books. I would literally be depressed with 2-3 days because I had a hard time coping with how seemingly unexciting my real life was.

Anyways, what occurred to me is that the human tendency, even desire, to give one self over to a purposeful narrative is so strong that we get confused about that is true reality and what is not.  We want so badly for the fair tale to be true.

Finally made it home to Florida after a midnight bus ride and a early morning flight south. The weather here in Miami is 80s during the day and 70s at night. It’s a great place to come home to during the winter.

Emily is now up to my shoulders (she was up to my armpit when I last saw her in the Summer), and is becoming a lovely young lady with her own distinct personality and sense of style. I’m always surprised at how mature and disciplined she is. She has all of her obligations thought out. She plans out her time and makes sure she has all her work done. She’s gotten quite good at tennis, she’s been selected for all state choir and is even doing salsa dancing at school. She has the type of discipline that it took me much of college to realize i needed. It’s also humbling to see her achieving so much so little. I wish I hadn’t wasted so many afternoons watching cartoons and half-hearting my my piano practice. I’m learning from her that it’s God who gives gifts to his children. Not as they deserve, but as his graces pleases. This is so that no one should boast or feel bad. God simply calls us to make the best use of what he gives us.

But besides all that we got to sing some Taylor Swift together, so she thinks I’m a great big brother

There is always the anxiety in my heart for her salvation and her love for God. She sees mom’s love for God and I hope that God will grab her heart for good, soon.

I also snuck out to church yesterday and showed up at the annual Christmas party. Wow…it’s always so surreal every time I come back to my home church. Some of the babies I knew back in the day are now in the youth group, playing guitar and being all grown up.  There are so many new faces i don’t recognize. There are also alot of faces i do recognize but whose names I can’t immediately remember. I feel really bad about that.  Two of the brothers who graduated high school the same year as I did are now back at church serving as youth pastors. The kids all call them “Pastor Dan” and “Pastor Kevin”. But they’re still the old guys i use  to know. There is also a great brother named Richard St. Louis, a hatian guy with a love for Asians, a BlaSian, as he calls himself. He’s been a faithful servant with the youth for nearly 10 years now. We joke with each other about find a good asian woman.

There is also the gracious tension of the love and concern people at church have for my mom and I. We left under difficult circumstances and the only thing our church family could do was to give us up to God and let him take care of us. And He has, oh so graciously. God has certainly glorified himself in our lives, especially in my mom. When he took church and fellowship away from mom, he gave her more of himself. He has shown himself loving and wise in all his ways.

And David said, “Is there still anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?”

2 Sam 9:1

Went to the Grad CF bible study tonight. We talked about David’s kindness to Mephibosheth, Jonathan’s son. Instead of killing everyone from Saul’s Family David intentionally looks for someone from Jonathan’s offspring to show kindness to for Jonathan’s sake. As we went along it struck us all just how closely this story parallels the Gospel of our Lord Jesus.

Jonathan was born into a sinful family, Saul’s family. He grew up with a father who was faithless and murderous, yet he cultivated a heart of tenderness, friendship, a love for God and a love for David. He had eyes to see God’s plan, even when it meant the removal of his father from the throne and loosing his own chance to be king. He saw God’s purpose in David and rejoiced in it with David.

But we are like Mephibosheth, a crippled, broken man who had lived in fear after David rose to the throne. Yet it was for the sake of Jonathan’s righteousness that David lavishes his grace on Mephibosheth. We saw that is was an alien, imputed righteousness that justified Mephibosheth before David. It was because of his affiliation with Jonathan, not because of his own merit. We also saw how David’s grace transformed Mephibosheth from an enemy to loyal member of his house.

Jesus is the true and better Jonathan, we was truly sinless and full of love, but was born into a sinful line of men. He did not count his earthly glory as anything but saw God’s purpose in his humiliation and death. Yet for his sake many are counted as righteousness because God was pleased with his sacrifice for sin and we, like Mephibosheth, are welcomed in and transformed by grace. And even as we are amazed at the goodness of Jonathan and David’s love for him, even greater is the goodness of Jesus and the Father’s love for him.

Went to the evening service at Tab tonight. The message was on the matter of expectations and how submitting our expectations to the pleasure of God’s will frees us to live humbly yet boldly. Two verses that struck me:

So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty. -Luke 17:10 (esv)

Be of good courage, and let us play the men for our people, and for the cities of our God: and the LORD do that which seemeth him good. -2 Sam 10:12 (kjv)

Amen. Let us serve as is our duty and joy and Let the Lord do what seems good to him!

Some of you who frequent the physical science library will have seen this cartoon. It’s resonated with me sharply and personally in the recent months.

from the NYT

THE HOT WATER BOTTLE – A True Story By Helen Roseveare, Medical Missionary to Africa.

One night, in Central Africa, I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all that we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny, premature baby and a crying, two-year-old daughter.

We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive. We had no incubator. We had no electricity to run an incubator, and no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts.

A student-midwife went for the box we had for such babies and for the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly, in distress, to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates. “…and it is our last hot water bottle!” she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk; so, in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over a burst water bottle. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways. All right,” I said, “Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can; sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm.”

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with many of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle. The baby could so easily die if it got chilled. I also told them about the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died. During the prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt consciousness of our African children. “Please, God,” she prayed, “send us a water bottle. It’ll be no good tomorrow, God, the baby’ll be dead; so, please send it this afternoon.” While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of corollary, ” …And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she’ll know You really love her?” As often with children’s prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, “Amen?” I just did not believe that God could do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything: The Bible says so, but there are limits, aren’t there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses’ training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time that I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the veranda, was a large twenty-two pound parcel! I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone; so, I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then, there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children began to look a little bored. Next, came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas – - that would make a nice batch of buns for the weekend. As I put my hand in again, I felt the…could it really be? I grasped it, and pulled it out. Yes, “A brand-new rubber, hot water bottle!” I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, “If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!” Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone: She had never doubted! Looking up at me, she asked, “Can I go over with you, Mummy, and give this dolly to that little girl, so she’ll know that Jesus really loves her?”

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months, packed up by my former Sunday School class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God’s prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. One of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child — five months earlier in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it “That afternoon!” “And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24

Helen Roseveare a doctor missionary from England to Zaire, Africa, told this as it had happened to her in Africa. She shared it in her testimony on a Wednesday night at Thomas Road Baptist Church.

Henry: I learned that this is the same Helen Roseveare who was assaulted and raped during the Simba uprising in the Congo. She is still alive today. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Roseveare

I’ve been a Les Miserables fan for quite a while, and one of the reasons i enjoy the story and the music is the powerful and relatable depiction of grace and legalism represented in the lives of Valjean and Javert.

In a scene where, a released convict, Valjean steals silver from a bishop that takes him in for the night, Valjean is caught, but the Bishop lies to the guards and tells them that he gave Valjean the silver as a gift, this one act of grace, perhaps the first he’s know all his life, throws Valjean into a fury of self disgust and repentance:
I feel my shame inside me like a knife
He told me that I have a soul,
How does he know?
What spirit comes to move my life?
Is there another way to go?
…
I’ll escape now from the world
From the world of Jean Valjean
Jean Valjean is nothing now
Another story must begin!

Javert is the police inspector who has made it his life’s goal to hunt down Valjean because he thinks that men like Valjean and never change or be trusted. Yet, at the end of the play, in the midst of the turmoil of the French Revolution, Valjean is given a honest chance to kill Javert.  Yet, despite all the greif Javert has brought into his life, Valjean lets him go. The one act of grace throws Javert into a fury of confusion and hardness of heart:

And my thoughts fly apart
Can this man be believed?
Shall his sins be forgiven?
Shall his crimes be reprieved?

And must I now begin to doubt,
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow.
Is he from heaven or from hell?
And does he know
That granting me my life today
This man has killed me even so?

These two characters strike really close to home for me because these are the two forces at war with in me, one that is wooed and won by grace towards repentance and another that is hardened and confused by grace. And it brings me back to one of my favorite verses in all the bible:

“Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?  Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” Romans 2:3-4

During the past few week in the Genesis we’ve been looking at the Fall and Curse in chapters 2-3 of Genesis. Justin (my co-leader) and I knew we were in for a doozy before we even got started but the more I consider the realities of the Fall and the Curse I find myself starting straight into the awe-ful and sovereign will of a big God. I can’t speak for everyone in the study, but my heart’s been wrestling with the question: Lord, why did you knowingly allow Satan to enter into the garden, and give him the opportunity to tempt and deceive your precious children? I think this question is root cry of anyone who has ever asked why God allows evil in the world. I suspect different people struggle with this reality differently, but I’m sure we all do. I think of mom and dad fighting, pastors compromising, rape, genocide, and even just the daily meditations of my own head. My head is so weighty I can barely finished this post.

Paul really settles my soul when he says in Romans 8:

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved.

I really wish I didn’t have to groan inwardly. But I have to trust that this hope is steadfast and that Christ is enough for me, as imperfect and is my knowledge of him. And the amazing thing is that the times when I groan most painfully are also the times when Christ is the sweetest to my soul. Any thoughts, stories?

My mom was diagnosed with severe Anemia about 2 months ago. Oddly enough we were in China at the time. My aunt noticed my mom’s unsually pale lips and prompted her to go get a blood test. The results showed that her hemoglobin levels were 1/2 of what it should have been. This explained why she was tired all the time and experienced many near faintings. Apparently it had been like this for years. It was as if her body has been experiencing life at several thousand feet altitude with half the oxygen normal people get. I felt so bad. She upheld so many responsibilities at home and at work. And I had always just take her love and care for granted, thinking it was easy for her all the while it was so much harder because of her anemia.

When we got back to the states she went to get checked again. They not only confirmed the first diagnosis but also found out that her spleen was enlarge twice what it should be. Now we were really scared. They weren’t sure what the root cause was, and there was the possibility of having to remove the spleen.

She was pretty scared. But she said to me that when she sits down to really think about it all she’s not so much scared, just a bit lonely. She said to me, “Henry, don’t ever leave the Lord, he is so good to us, don’t ever leave the Lord.”

The last round of tests came back and, to our relief, indicated that her condition is not as bad as if could have been, and that she doesn’t need to get her spleen removed. Dave Smith reminded me that this really is an answer to prayer. I had asked CBS to pray for her, and we did, and God answered. Praise God.